It's been a strange day.

Today would have been my son Matthew's 37th birthday. He died in 1990 but sometimes it feels as if we lost him such a short time ago. I didn't go to the cemetery...instead I spent some time tidying the garden. I know I'm going to suffer for it but it really did need doing....still lots to do...but I enjoyed myself, and it has been such a glorious day. We've had some beautiful weather lately and I was fed up of not being able to get out and enjoy it.
The last couple of weeks have seen me struggling to cope with the everyday things..getting out of bed, dressing, washing, light housework......just the normal everyday things...I've had to really push myself and I don't feel better for doing it. The boys have not helped at all. I'm going to have talk very seriously with them..they will have to do more. OK, they do their own washing, ironing and see to their own rooms. What they don't do is help with the washing up, cooking, cleaning and shopping. I manage to get to the local shop most days..they won't go...but the fortnightly shop with eldest and DIL is becoming increasingly more difficult. Last Thursday saw my son having to hold me up after me nearly passing out...and this is just for basics. I used to shop online when I was working just to save time. I had better things to do, and I hate shopping! It does have it's drawbacks though. If they haven't got what you want, the alternatives are not always suitable. Of course there is the cost to consider as well. We all have to watch the pennies a lot more carefully. Well I'm afraid the boys will have to get their act together and start taking some responsibility for food shopping. After all they eat most of it. If they won't help out a bit more they will have to go hungry..and I can't see them doing that!